We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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