I wannas sexs uuuuu
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
