You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
