if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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