She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize