Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
