Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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