I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
