Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
