I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
