After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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