Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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