Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
