It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize