so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
