Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
