I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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