What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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