I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize