half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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