Your dad touched me again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
