Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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