I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
