I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
