the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
