So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
