Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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