She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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