I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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