I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
