I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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