Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
