Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
