so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
