I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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