I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
