she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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