Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
