I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
