I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
