Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
