Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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