drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
