what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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