I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
