so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
