True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize