You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
