Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We got so high we made milksteak
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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