This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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