Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
cat food counts as protein by the way
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
