I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
