Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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