Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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