covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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