"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
