The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
