i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize