I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
