I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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