and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
