I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
