You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize