I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
tequila makes me forget i have legs
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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