The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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