I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
