but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
