Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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