And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
