oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
