she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize