ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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