He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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