Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
