fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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