OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize