No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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