I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
