everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
