She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i believe in u and ur pee
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
