do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
