I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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