I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
