Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
