I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
