took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why do cheetos always look like penises
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
