And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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