I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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