OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
