party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
