My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
