I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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