I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
