the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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